“ I know you won’t talk to me”, she shot back.
It had done nothing good, instead had infuriated his senses, for the reason that he felt her way of tossing words was just to force an equalizer for the probable accusations, he might have thrown at her. She had well anticipated the things. She didn’t want overwork on that, as she always had lived like that. Planned and pursued her way for she was like some of the other girls. Nervous and suspicious without the confidence level to put herself across.
“ I know you wouldn’t”. Her words echoed over his head once again.
“You know nothing”. He said casually. The air inside the pantry was warm. She was still. Sailing as always. But enough for him to catch that frozen look. He may have continued his eulogy, but she opted out to resist him with her shimmering coldness.
“ You know nothing because you are talking senseless stuff.” He said then.
“ I didn’t talk senseless”. Said she.
“ You may not have. But you don’t know a thing.” He supposed staring at the postures on the wall and the doors that seems like those revolving ones.
She brought coffee and sandwiches and sat beside him. Her expression already reflected that she’d absorbed whatever the atmosphere had set. That was not without purpose. He had to put it that way. He didn’t like to be bottled like that and he hated that since his childhood. He would be selfish and sensitive.
They hadn’t seen each other for months. They had certainly avoided the meetings every time. If she had taken the initiative to haphazard any contact at the first place, when he might be earning to meet her badly. It would be his turn to skip off from her mails and calls. Both of them sailed in distance and never tried to touch their canoes, in fact sometimes wanting to. But their canoes did meet. It has always touched and moved like preachers.
The distance however had aggravated more as they slowed calling each other not once in a week and then for months. Now it’s after 6 months, the guy didn’t wonder they still kept that distractive sort of attraction. Their decisions were promising like some couple postponing their first child of some untold realities. Whenever they suspected love’s awakening, they’d blow it off. They’d thrashed every bud that hoped to bloom above their reach.
She said softly then. “ I meant what I said ”.
He retorted. “If it were an insult, I would think to love that. I know its not. It’s a blame you’re trying to pick out.”
“What do you mean?”. She said, looking into his eyes. The cup in her hand trembled and the coffee escaped on to the saucer and to the table.
“You want me to believe that I kicked everything. You don’t need to transmit that any long. I know that. I perfectly believe that it’s my initiative for all this and don’t you think to take any credit of that.” He said in a brief stint.
“Your words are rude, aren’t they?” Her eyes seem moistened.
“Okay. I did mean to say that, do you want anyone to be made clear of this?”
She was in a way avoiding her shock when countered by his words. He was like that forever. When any crisis would turn up eventually, he would talk sentences full from different plots, and she would find herself in a whirl that will be static and complicated as usual.
“Now, what’s this all you are speaking to me?”
“Just nothing dear. Something that really doesn’t matter. It will also pass.” He poured more coffee into the cup.
“You don’t understand and you will never.” Said the girl.
“ That doesn’t mean a thing ”.
“ That does. You haven’t given a thought on things.”
“ I need your say. I know we will be happy together. Bangalore is a great place. We can move sooner then.” He drew invisible images on the table with his fingers.
“Will we be?”
“ Certainly. I don’t know about your parents. I know you and that’s what I know when I think of you. That’s what’s important.”
“ Meeting my parents is as important.”
“ Okay if I talk to them, what can I hear from you.”
“ I will not say against. I will not say anything more.”
The guy stood up holding the cup and the saucer. She was staring at him while trying in vain to help him out. He had almost finished washing the cups when the girl had stepped into the washroom.
“What’s happening to you?” She said glancing through the mirror for his reply. Water splashed over the ceramic and metal plates leaving them sparkling in pride.
The girl waited for him to finish or for her to start off. “I haven’t said NO. Iam thinking on. My decisions are important and I know we will be happy ever after, but they have not. Marriage means so much to them like us. You know we have to abide. I don’t know what if I would say or I wouldn’t. My thoughts are getting varied.”
“ Will you please…” The guy muttered aloud. Even he was surprised by that sudden retort, if it was too early. He may not have regretted that. The door banged, and the guy turned around thinking she might have gone. The girl was still waiting at the corner rubbing her hand. Two other guys came in and he waved at them before following her out.
At the corridor She and her friend waited to part. In fact he had to stay there for quite sometime for the machine to turn up. They didn’t have much to tell. A smile passed them and they waved back. Then they smiled, first at themselves and at each other. The lift opened up when he was about to say something. She went in and waved.
He said. “Spike your hair!!”. She too laughed and returned the code. “ Pass me your wig, if you dare!!”.
She will have reached the next building where she works. The guy drifted into his cabin. He told several hundred lies to his manager on being late. Of which one was that, he was going to marry the girl. He then sat behind the system, behind his e-mails and behind himself and watched.
As a comment to my last blog... k said...
